Writing Hours

  A STORY TOLD IN DIALOGUE. "What happened?!" "What do you mean, what happened? Nothing happened." "Where's our baby then if nothing happened? It's been 11 months now and I've been waiting." "Err.. My mum says it's my baby as we're not technically married." "But we agreed you should go home and tell your parents." "No! I begged you to come with me that my parents would kill me if I told them." "So what did you do?" "I sorted it the best I could. I went to stay with my bigger sister, I could tell her but I couldn't tell my parents. She helped me tell them and I had the baby at her house at port harcourt. She has three sons with her husband so when I had a little boy, she was so happy for me." "What about me? I thought we were getting married." "Oh, those three men loading my stuff into my dads car are also interested. Personally, I like the second one. He teaches Chemic...

 Like we said before about the art of language and expression. Check out this excerpt; He didn’t want a complacent, obedient wife who was ready to follow, and he visualised her following him faithfully into a crocodile’s open jaws He left her alone and fought with himself and his thoughts the nights ahead instead. Her looks had certainly been deceptive, she looked like a lost, naive, little princess but this girl had resolve behind that disguise. Even with all the pressure he put on her, she made her decision and stuck to it. He couldn’t help but admire her for that. What more, he desired her now, badly. She was lovely, she had brains, discipline and a mind of her own. He couldn’t sleep as he tossed and turned in his corner, thinking of what might have been.  🌐 Translation; Ajụ ala anya. 

  Baby and I. Baby & I were stuck in a dire Straight backs against the wall in mire Baby and I, we met way back In front of an old, rotting bamboo shack Was stuck in the rainforest on a rattling cold night Mid rainy July, in a wet storm’s eye Wind hounded the trees Shook leaves till I screamed Rain drumming the roof Fear polka-dots me Slight bash on entry And I’m on my knees ‘Oh God, please!’ As figures rush through the trees I flick off all switches Pretend everyone’s flee’d But hear a strange noise On my dive to the floor I’m afraid that was me My knees knock in threes I lose control of my teeth Because fear’s beneath me - I just can’t believe I’d trip over my feet,   ‘Come on girl, you’re a warrior! For God’s sake, look in the mirror!’ There on my doorstep, A little silhouette He turns around to look and I’m confronted by small Authority. ‘What took you so long?! It’s freezing out here! The bear took my b...

  👄  Second  lock down food.  Did you that 2020 sorted out those eating    habits for you. We used to-pay    our bills first    then waltz into the supermarket whenever    with the last twenty. Now you have to book an appointment slot with your supermarket to respectfully collect your groceries for the week or have it felivered. How did you not notice the disrespect before? 

  It was international day of the men yesterday and in honour of my parents who worked hard to keep food on our table through out my life, I would like to speak to you about seasonal food. If you frequent my blog, you would have seen my Father’s Day post about seasonal food in July in Nigeria, well now in Europe, it’s carrots and small potatoes so you can give pasta and rice a break this November and December.  

  Asụsụ ụfọdụ na-egwuri egwu rinne. I gaghị achọpụta ya tupu idegharịa akwụkwọ edere n'oyibo. Ha e were sị gị degharịa "inhaling expectant air!" na "expel a painful story from within." na Igbo.  

 With the partial lockdown in place,  You’d think that people would still be extra freaked out about the virus and would run away from you but they seem so happy to see you after months of lockdown and to just walk down these streets, that they smile and continue walking past you at the other edge of the road. Social distancing. I missed people. May God help us through this! 

  Remember that thing they said about smelling the roses, well, today I’m telling you to count the cars. There used to be a lot of vans and motorcycles in my neighbourhood when I moved here with my modest Ford Fiesta that my brother later borrowed. Now a Nissan Juke is parked where the old square Volvo used to be with an inordinate number of Toyota yarises. And who drives a Vauxhall hatchback? Everyone knows that if you want a Vauxhall, you buy a people carrier with six seats! There’s one BMW, one Peugeot, a Citroen and a Mercedes now but almost everything else is a Toyota Yaris! What is happening! It’s time to move! Hopefully before the two Renaults move too. 

  👄 The one about Sizing.  Then the time comes to explain to the teenager ones that you can’t order clothes from just about any shop now. You have to find shops that have a big and tall section.  “But we’re not big.” No but you’re tall and that’s what the section is called.  Only buy trousers with two elements in the size. Like 34L or 36 XL.  If you buy just a 38, it’s likely to be a 29    or 31 inseam and that won’t do, would it. You know what, go fetch the tape because knowing your inside leg and waist size makes your life easier. 

  👄  Stephanie Yeboah is a 31 year old award winning artist and blogger, freelance journalist and body acceptance advocate from London. Fighting against the social ills of suicide, depression, eating disorders and body dismorphia with her award-winning smile and blog. 

  👄  Wangari Muta Maathai, a Kenyan environmentalist, the first to be awarded a doctorate in Biological sciences and a professorship in Anatomy at the University of Nairobi. The 52 year old environmentalist organised the Green Belt Movement in 1977. She has been able to motivate 50,000 women, school children and the disabled to plant trees to fight soil erosion. National Concord Publications July 1991. She has gone on to win the Nobel Peace prize and other awards since this publication. The first African woman to do so. 

👄  Another excerpt. Ester Boserup, a well known Economist in 1970 first drew attention to women’s contributions to Agricultural and industrial development which inspired the UN decade for women, (1976-1986.) and heralded research and enquiry on gender issues.  Boserup Ester Earthscan 1989.

  👄  An excerpt from my university thesis   back in 1996.  The Better life for rural women (BLPRW) Maryann Babangida’s brainchild launched in 1987. Through this program, women have been made aware of their potential and natural endowments. Those with natural skills are encouraged to develop them and teach others....These abilities have led to increased income, self confidence and improved self-concept. 

️👄 Other People's Connotations. A boy at my university used to follow me around a lot then one day as I pointed to a picture of a business woman in a white shirt with a pixie cut   on the news and said I wanted to be like her when I grew up, he decided to offer his opinion, He told me I should wear my hair long, that it’s better and that he would help me introduce my older sister to his old bachelor uncle who refuses to get married. He also proposed that every time I visit my married sister, we could have sex in every room of their house when they’re not looking as secret in-law lovers. To say I was horrified   was an understatement because I was a nineteen year old freshman virgin who wanted to make something of myself and those were the plans that were circulating his gross, big head that early in the morning. I went to visit my friend's cousin today, she has a brand new shiny grandson and we're happy for her, Myself and her other friends. Even though it seems tha...

👄 Hi, we hope you’re drinking your vitamin c infused Lemon water.  We all make a fuss about the first word. What about the first perfectly formed question?  “We understand we’re triplets,  mum but what’s with the same clothes? What is that about?” You’re an adult so you don’t say, “people dress their twins the same, it’s just what people did before me and I’m doing it too. You’re a teen’s parent and they’re growing, maturing, learning to reason, young adults so you say, “I like them, don’t you?” “No!” “Okay, I will stop.” And it is  much better fun buying three different cool tee shirts when I go shopping. I used to have to choose between three really cool t shirts. So the teens have it. 🙋🏾🙋🏾🙋🏾

We hope you’re doing your maskology course at home because at this point in time, we know more about the Coronavirus and there are a few medicines and elixirs available so lockdown will end but soap and masks will stay with us. God bless and protect the people on the front line of this battle against the corona virus. Stay safe out there.

Let us take your mind off the troubles outside for now. I once came across an article in which our very own Tony Braxton swore by Vaseline. She said she put it on her heels then put on socks to sleep to stop cracked heels. Now for those of us who used to rub moisturiser on face with one hand as you run outside so you’re not late for work or school, slow down and put that cream in one palm. Now with one finger moisturise your circular area around your neglected eye sockets, lips and nose then repeat with Vaseline to seal in the moisture morning and night then thank me later. Stop looking like a fifty year old and look your real age; which is twenty-nine and a half. 

👄Happiness is having to laugh and cry at the same time as you say, "Lord have mercy on us for the young people who actually love school". The young man's school said a member of staff had the flu and was self isolating so school was closed yesterday. Today, he got a message saying that school was fumigated and open this morning so he ran all the way there. 😅

👄 Happiness is... Designing a really cool product then realising that your real target market are mums who seem to be a little broke all the time so you’re always on sale. You might not become filthy rich but you will always be happy and will prosper and live long. 

👄  Happiness is when you tell your family that your mouth and our home is a no swearing zone and they agree with you till they become teenagers. Then they prepare a three point PowerPoint presentation for you on the importance of swearing and tell you 1) it is pain control. 2) People just gotta swear sometimes. Even the apostles swore when Jesus calmed the stormy sea. They shouted, “Who the Heavens is this guy!! “and it helped them process the enormity of the miraculous momentous moment and not faint on active duty. I said I’ll think about it.  Then first thing in the morning, the youngest teen says to you, see you after school, mum!  You smile and nod, Go with The Lord son. In the hallway to the older teens he says,  “See ya Niggaz !” With extra swagger.  “Hey! Fuck you man!” An offended and taken    back reply shout.  What was I thinking letting them watch Coming To America!  I don’t think they were intentionally  ...

 Happiness is patience so you wear your    sparkly cubic zirconia and your every day shoes, keeping it neat and classy    and doing your thing quietly with faith and praise then one day, your diamonds and leather boots arrive.  😶

Happiness is when you get a new wardrobe with mirror doors. but  may you live long enough and be grateful enough to find yourself talking to a family wardrobe one morning. Hey Captain, you’re family, always remember that. You‘be been through thick and thin with us. You were the little guys wardrobe for the first three years of their lives then the big guy’s then middle guy’s. You were even there when Az put pyjamas on the little guys then took them to nursery. How you must’ve laughed.  Now I’m hearing that big guy was losing at his FIFA game on PlayStation and punched you then middle guy sat on you like you were a chair and you broke. I’m sorry but 😐 We all have to serve at one time or the other. Good bye Champ and thank you for your service. 

👄 One day the curriculum will require that you tell a little child to find the factors of 57 and 75. You watch as the child breaks down in tears. The only factors of 57 are itself and 1. The 15 and 5 which disintegrated the other number are all useless against that monster called 57. The phobia the world forgot. The fear of remainders, decimals and fractions. 

👄👄👄 Happiness is when you learn that despite you thinking that you’re the chef-in -the-house in 2019 that that headache was a chance for you to go rest so you’ll find out your son cooks better than you.    You’re a chef    trainer now. Accept it.    🌷🌷🌷

 Teens  👄 Happiness is... wait. Two minutes after the postman has been    trying hard to convince you that you named your God-given child Bugs, you place a finger on the lips you were going to yell with and say, one minute, let me ask the teenagers first.  He sighs with relief when they traipse after you towards him. Not only has one of them And teens renamed himself Bugs but the other one has renamed himself Bloke. Wait, could you spell that name again? Junkie Enuwe. The postman was right, you don’t even know your own children’s names. And there you were, wondering why Instagram keeps telling you that Bloke is no longer in your circle.  Bugs, Junkie and Bloke.  👀